using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
