How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
