dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
We're too hungover to prance.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
