Im at strip club and am horny
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Houston, we have a blender
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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