She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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