: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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