Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
