This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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