Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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