just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
