just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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