Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
