Just mADE A PArabola og urine
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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