a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
