he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
