Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
