i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
