I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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