guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
