Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
