Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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