I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
