How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
