sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
