if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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