I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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