She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
