I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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