I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
