OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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