Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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