Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
