I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
