do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
foreskin is a definite game changer
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
