Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
one might say we're banned from that church
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
