i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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