The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
