her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
wow bdsm is so cute
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