no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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