when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
