Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
