I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
