Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
