I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
