i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Never joke about your clitoris.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
