one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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