So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
