Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
