Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
