I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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