One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
